I haven’t blogged or written in a long time. I guess, now is the time to write?
You see, I usually write when I’m hurt, mad, too happy, or just plain bored. In my case right now, I’m bored. I don’t even know what to write.
I kid. Actually, I have a lot to say in this blog. Things I can never say in real life situations. Things I can never say out loud. Things I can never say to that one person who meant so much to me.
The truth is, I’m broken and I was hurt.
I made it this far to be able to actually write about it without crying and thinking that everything is falling apart. I’m a lot better now, and thus, I’m letting these bottled feelings out.
NOPE! I’m not going to write about what happened. Hah!
I want to tell you how I was and how I am right now.
I know there’s a tiny chance of you reading this but I’ll take that chance. Yes, I want you to see this.
To be honest, the very first time I found things out (as you know, I get weird feelings when I know that something is up), I was furious. I didn’t want to get mad at you right away, I didn’t want to assume, that’s why I called. I called to check if you’d lie to me. And yep, you did.
During the next few days, I didn’t talk to you. I was cooling my head off because you see, I didn’t want to say something bad and I don’t want to get mad. I wanted to give you a chance to make things right. Unfortunately, you were already moving forward.
Did you know that I was surprised? I was shocked to the point that I felt weak and paralyzed. I lost focus. I became emotionally unstable.
Things changed. My usual routine, gone. I felt lost and I had a lot of time in my hands with nothing to do because previously, it was all revolving around you. When you left, all those free time made me think about you, her, us, and myself. And I felt like I’m being stabbed over and over and over again.
Actually, even after all that, I was willing to forget it all and take you back. Well, yeah. I loved you that much.
YES! I was willing and I didn’t care.
Then, I found other things. Things you never told me. Things you felt. Things you did behind my back.
I got mad.
I’m hearing things about you and I hated it. I hated the fact that information comes piling up and it’s drowning me, filling me up with hatred towards you. I didn’t want to get mad.
I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
I hated both of us.
And then, I stopped caring.
I got hurt when you blocked me everywhere and at the same time, I was thankful. You did me a very huge favor. It helped me keep you out of my mind. You helped me not to care about you anymore.
If you’re going to ask how I’m doing right now, then this is my answer: “I’m feeling a lot better than when you left me.”
I’m not crying anymore.
I’m not mad anymore.
I don’t feel miserable anymore.
I’m feeling a lot better and I vowed to improve my self.
Right now, I’m happy with my friends.
Those friends who got my back when I was weak.
Those friends who made me laugh when tears are about to slide down my cheeks.
Those friends who got mad on my behalf and stood up for me.
Those friends who placed me back on track.
Yes. I am gradually getting back there. Happy. Slowly getting fixed.
Right now, I will love my self. And then in time, you’ll see all the changes I made. I’ll become beautiful. I’ll become skinny. I’ll become successful. I’ll make people see my worth.
And by the time you realize all this, you’ve lost me.
Although I doubt that you’ll regret leaving me. I don’t even know anymore.
So yeah, blah, right?
With this, I’m finally letting go.
I’m closing this chapter of my life.
However, you’ll still hold a special place in my heart and I hope that in the future, we can still be friends.
That’s all. I hope you’ll be happy.
Love lots with cherries on top,
I have no idea what happened (someone just told me, not sure if it’s true) but hey, easy come, easy go. Karma hits hard. But, I wish you the best of luck!
Oh,look!There was someone hiding in your dash…
Oh no!He got scared and run away!
OH GAWD! So cute!
“I will bite you.”